Simple Steps to Sanity: How to Deal With a Controlling Spouse When All You Want to Do is Scream

A healthy marriage involves a couple who comes together as one, but retain their independent identities in the context of a unified relationship.

Unfortunately, in an unhealthy relationship, usually the stronger partner dominates, and can often rule the marriage, sometimes with an iron fist. This can cause bitterness, anger, and resentment on the part of the less-dominant spouse, which can result in division. However, the problem may never come to the surface because they're less likely to say anything to maintain the peace.

If you're tired of being pushed around in your relationship and would love to know what to do about it, I've got answers for you.

Here are three things you can start doing today to assert yourself and deal with a controlling spouse.

• Don't stay silent: express yourself appropriately.

No one I know likes to be controlled or manipulated. You may feel that your opinion never gets expressed, that your spouse never listens, and your needs are so far from getting met that you wonder why you're still a part of your marriage.

Now is the time for you to start standing up for yourself. This may not be comfortable for you, especially if your spouse is domineering and believes that his or her way is the right way or the highway. They're never wrong, in their opinion, but you know better. Start by telling your spouse how you feel about a situation.

You may have to be bold and express your disagreement about something. You may need to pass on how you feel and let your wife or husband deal with it. Either way, don't stay silent.

• Refuse to be bullied or manipulated.

Your spouse may not react well to you being assertive or expressing yourself, but again, hold your ground. If you need to, restate your feelings or opinion. Don't allow them to bully you or attempt to shame you into doing what they want. Refuse to give up.

Perhaps you'll need to say to your spouse, "I don't think I'm making myself clear," or "Here's what I mean." This will go far in changing the dynamic of your relationship and give you a better chance for getting what you want.

• Allow for some give and take when needed.

In a healthy relationship, neither spouse always gets what he or she wants. There is always give and take. One night you can watch the kids, another night, your spouse will take on that responsibility. That's the way it's supposed to work.

If your relationship has been largely lopsided, where you've done one thing and one thing only-what your spouse wants, that definitely needs to change. Don't be afraid to compromise, by agreeing to do what your spouse wants now, in exchange for doing what you want to do later. Then when, later comes, make sure to remind your partner of your previous agreement.

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