3 Keys to Her Heart: How to Break Through the Barriers When All Hope Seems Lost

Your marriage is over and there's little, if any, hope of reconciliation, at least as far as your spouse is concerned.

Yet, whatever has gone on in the past, chances are you can overcome it, if you follow my three C's of recovering your relationship: commitment, communication, and consistency.

By and large, men have short attention spans, especially when it comes to commitment. If they can't get something, say a chainsaw, to work, they'll try what they know to fix it, then move on to something else.

While relationships are a far cry from electric power tools in desperate need of repair, sometimes you can take that same approach to your wife. You don't know what to do to "fix it," and you just get more and more frustrated trying, so you eventually give up.

Whether you're separated, not on speaking terms, or suffering from the average tension present in most marriages, tell your wife you're absolutely committed to making your relationship work, no matter what.

Then, get to work. See a counselor, get outside help, do whatever it takes, and no matter how tough it gets, don't give up. When she sees the evidence that you're really, truly trying, perhaps she'll come around as well.

Another key to your wife's heart is communication, or more specifically, listening.

While not every guy is like Tim "the tool man" Taylor responding to questions with short grunts or nods, and is otherwise silent - women want more. They want to share how their day went, talk about their feelings, plan the future, you get the idea.

And you? You just want to finish watching the ballgame. Actively listening to your wife will help her realize that she (and thus your relationship) is very important to her.

So, when you pause for a commercial break, tell her that you really want to give her your full attention and talk in depth after the game. Better yet, stop what you're doing, record the rest of the game and talk right then and there.

Beware that a few isolated instances of behavioral change may do more harm than good, so you'll want to make a permanent habit of whatever changes you choose to implement.

Despite the rocky road of your marital past, being consistent in your actions could eventually make a believer out of your wife, and may cause her to rethink getting separated or divorced.

Without consistency, as far as she's concerned, you've got a couple of behavioral anomalies that may have been just flukes, as opposed to positive signs of renewed life.

In order to obtain the keys to your wife's heart and begin the healing process in your marriage, try these three things:

1. make a commitment to get your marriage back on track
2. actively communicate
3. be consistent in your actions

Sure, you've hurt each other. However, when you persevere in your application of the 3 C's to recovering your relationship, you may just see it turn around at a time you never though it possible.

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